Hidden Valley Waterfall

Hidden Valley Waterfall

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude

This is going to be an honest-about-myself post. It's about not being ashamed of my faults or weaknesses. As a lot of women do, I have insecurities. I feel insecure that I'm not pretty enough. I worry I'm not smart enough. I sometimes feel that I'm not skinny enough. And I sometimes worry that I am not good enough in my job. Of course, these insecurities are not a daily thing. But they are real and they happen. I have days I feel confident and able to conquer the world. Then, I have days where my anxiety takes control of everything and I feel so inadequate and scared. And it never fails, on these days, I find an unexpected compliment from a friend that turns my heart around.

I recently posted a picture of myself before heading out to a gala. I had on make-up, which I do not wear on a daily basis. I had on a formal dress, which I wear even more rarely, and yet, I looked at the picture and saw myself looking old and just - well, just me.  I have always thought that I am kinda "girl next door cute", but never thought of myself as truly pretty. But when my friends posted that I looked great, I felt good. When others see you more positively than you see yourself, it can be a boost.  But the greatest compliment wasn't on my looks, but on my character.

Every now and then, a friend will say something that makes my heart melt and I cry tears of joy. Tears for someone knowing my soul and my good heart - even when I forget them sometimes. I am currently teaching kindergarten, but I used to teach an ED classroom in the States for Special Education. I had kids that most people (and unfortunately some teachers) didn't want bothered with due to the behaviors. But I loved them and supported them, as well as their families. Well, a friend and coworker from those days had this to say about my picture today:  "Pictures don't lie- an X-Ray would also verify that she is beautiful inside and out! And a great teacher!
You see the good in every child you teach! Even when it is hard for others!!"

I am grateful that I have made a positive mark on people and their views of me. I am grateful that I have a chance to make a difference in the lives of so many children. I am grateful that every day, I have a chance to grow and learn and be a better person. And while I know that I am far from where I want to be as a person, I know that I am on the right path. I thank all of you for being part of my life.

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