Hidden Valley Waterfall

Hidden Valley Waterfall

Friday, May 25, 2012

A rough end to my week

Well, I was finally able to get Snickers to the dr. and get an x-ray. Then, we went back to the vet. Here is what I was expecting to hear: "Your cat has pneumonia again."  Here is what I heard instead: "Her lungs sound very bad. We're going to have a specialist look at the x-ray, b/c there is a possibility of a tumor (aka cancer). But, even it if it is not cancer, you need to prepare yourself. She is a sickly cat and overweight. She will not live a normal life span like other cats. Do not expect a lot more time with her."

Yep, what a way to crush a person in two. I was devastated. I do not believe she has cancer. I also want to believe that once I get her back home to the states, she will get better. But, in order to  get her breathing well enough again, she's now back on antibiotics, and has to get daily injections for the remaining month here.  I figured a daily shot is well worth it if it gets her home on that plane. I am still lost at the idea of my baby not living another 10 years. I mean, sure, she's big, but she was not "sickly" back home.

Now, I am left dealing with the overwhelming guilt that I did this to her. I brought her here b/c I was selfish and didn't want to be without her. Had she stayed back like Sophie (my other cat), she'd be fine, just like Sophie is.  My friends say there was no way I could have known, and that I can't blame myself. Yet I do. Taking a gamble on my own well being is one thing, but I put her into this environment that has caused her such misery. I hope one day that both of us can forgive me.

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