This weekend, a very important person in my life passed away. He went by Pa. He was not my grandfather by blood, but definitely by love. He came into my life in 2003 when I was dating his grandson. And although the grandson and I didn't work out, the family remained connected to me. I have been involved in holidays and other events throughout the past 9 years. Although Pa had been sick and it was somewhat expected, it is still never easy. But, that wasn't the hardest part.
I had only stepped foot into a funeral home (despite having reason to) once since 2006. This is the year we said goodbye to my step-father, whom most know I called Dad. He was an amazing man that I adored and miss greatly. And stepping into that funeral home today was like reliving that moment all over again when I walked up to his casket for the very first time. I was not able to walk up to Pa right away. Instead, I spent nearly two hours talking to folks and catching up. Then, with the support of others in the family, I ventured up to Pa. I stopped and hesitated again. Then, I saw his wife. She was smiling and laughing with a friend. And then, it hit me. Instead of being glad that Pa didn't suffer, I was so overcome with emotions that had nothing to do with him. If his wife can find the good moments to enjoy through all of this, why couldn't I? When I had first seen him, the reason I couldn't approach was because I saw my dad. But this time, as I stood there surrounded by his wife and children, I saw Pa. Only then was I able to say my goodbye to him.
Now, I have two amazing men in Heaven watching over me. And I love them both very much.
**I also have a cousin, Phillip, who was taken from us years ago. If I know him, he's making everyone in Heaven laugh and I picture his huge dimples smiling as I type. So, correction, three amazing men there. :)