Hidden Valley Waterfall

Hidden Valley Waterfall

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

still feel guilty...

Back in VA, I used to feel horrible for taking a day off. Why? If you knew my classroom, you'd have a better understanding. First of all, it was very difficult to find subs who were willing to come into my room. Secondly, it was even harder to find good subs who could handle my classroom. My kids were quite a handful and liked giving subs the special "mom's gone and we're gonna go nuts" treatment. Not all sub notes were horror stories, but there were a few. That, and coupled with the fact that my administration didn't make me feel good about being off, led me to feel guilty. It's as if I were not allowed to take care of myself, because I had children to take care of. So, many of times, I went in sick. I was so bad with a migraine one time that I had the kids work with the lights off and rewarded those who could be the quietest. Yep, it was bad.

Here, I do not have nearly the overflowing stresses of keeping a classroom in tact like I did back home. And yet, while taking a day off today, I still feel guilty. I feel I should be doing school work, when all my body wants to do  is lounge on the couch. And I feel I should be there, as if I am the sole person bearing responsibility for everything. And while I know this is completely untrue, I have to blame my previous job (ok, and a tad bit of my control issues) for always making me feel badly about a day off. I had over 20 days to burn before leaving and I still couldn't bring myself to use all of them. I just felt it wasn't right. So, I only took half-days here and there.

So, tomorrow, I'll be back at work. And it will probably be a long time before I take another day off, unless I am REALLY sick and not just slightly sick.

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